Also, it saddens me to observe that the average western woman turns her back to nice guys so she can sleep around with bad and narcissistic guys in her teens and early twenties. (As I read this, I fear I may be idealizing him!!!). With scheduled visits about 4 times a year. I have BPD, I have done things wrong. I understand why she pushes me away but it is hard to accept. Fast forward 2.5 years. Part of me thinks she was just saying that to me to make me feel sorry for her and to keep me from leaving but the other part thinks she really meant it. Reviewed by Devon Frye. Im not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my difficulty. This triad of traits locks them very tightly into their negative behavior patterns. I went into a panic when they actually walked away. But its not outright manipulation. The heavy weight of the sadness for the damage I caused, makes it difficult to breath sometimes. It is amazing to sit back, read your response, and have it resonate so much with my situation. You will find an important clue in the name we commonly use to label men with this kind of personality. And I dislike hurting people so no dating and no casual err. I was actually surprised she was the one that said this. And, childishly, they simply dont want to lose all the benefits you provide. Rather, these instances that seem like manipulations are desperate attempts to get what they need to feel good, to escape psychological pain. I think you are doing a great job. Do you think there is any way to reach her given her enabling relationship with her new husband & lack of self awareness? Without further ado, here are the movies that got BPD symptoms (mostly) right: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a science-fiction romantic comedy/drama that focuses on the relationship between introverted and anxious Joel Barish (Jim Carrey) and free-spirit Clementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet). Schedule a mindset coaching session today here: https://www.skeetersstrength.com/product/individual-sessions/ Get your gear here: https://thrive-merchandise.creator-spring.com/? It is not their fault, it wont likely get better and without understanding of what is going on, they can do alittle to change things. This allows you to actively seek it out. Everything was over text too. Continued interactions like this one may leave Brett feeling like Jasmine will see anything he does as wrong and he may give up on the relationship. The counseling is not an option, I will still be reading here. Sometimes you will find that if they are feeling bad but cant at the moment find a single logical thing to argue about they will come up with something so random it will leave you thinking wtf??? Sit up and look at you all night? During a moment of clarity she said to me I am such a basket case, I dont know how you put up with me Its like she just cant help it. Men in this situation should seriously look at walking away before they are into deep. That is challenging. Broke up with Girlfriend who has Borderline personality disorder. Can The woman with traits of BPD has a problem. I been married to my wife for 6 years now, & recently discovered that she has traits of BPD. We both live in London UK. BPD is largely characterized by unstable interpersonal relationships, which we see play out in Alice's life. If youre relatively normal enough : ) imagine your stronger emotions always dialled- up x 5!! No matter what it left ous both in such pain that heart both of ous there was nothing easy about this new Im stoke cant fix anything this mixed up god lord I cant even hard reboot and start all over they wanted me to fall and her to stay in there control ! The fact is that most men that treat women with these kinds of traits well go through hell while in the relationship and even worse hell when they are discarded like a piece of used garbage. I had stumbled across the Hot Crazy Matrix (HCM) YouTube video and was struck by its popularity and media coverage it had attracted. Do you find many nice guys who turn into Enablers of their High Conflict partners? So why does this movie even make the list? I was a proper gent. Thanks for bringing this up, and I hope that helps to clarify it. In addition to the information in the workbook, there are many blog posts on this site that you can refer to in order to understand better what is really behind her negative behavior. I just wish she could be the girl I met last year, they were such good times and I will treasure them forever. That is no small feat. Do I seek another therapist to work with or just accept that this is what it is always going to be like and go forward with a divorce? It was a mess. Women with traits of BPD may appear to be capable of overriding their natural selfishness when they are in the throws of new love. Some viewers have associated this period of time with the BPD symptom of dissociation, which is a mental experience that causes a person to disconnect from their present circumstances, thoughts, memory and identity. This lack of education can lead some men to mistakenly assume that the hypersexuality associated with BPD is sexual compatibility. After a temper outburst from me, which came from immense pressure, and while deeply unfortunate, no one was hurt or even touched, the process of discarding but then some clarity three months into it and she starts counselling this doesnt last to long. looking back at those i feel shared these BPD traits, i can say i think my portion was anywhere from 5 to 10 % of the problem, and im pretty quick to admit when im wrong i dont really care, i dont always have to be right. THAT is what breaks my heartthat she may never allow herself to be happy. Let's break the stigma and learn ways to heal together. Its chipped away at me for so long and just talking about it helps. Do you know how difficult it is to find treatment? These articles are not helpful for people who are trying to recover. Can you share some insight on this? People suggest BPD stems from childhood drama and she did have this. Wow ,like everyone else says , its like you talking about my girlfriend!! I have been married to a BPD lady for 20 years. Those highs and lows can lead to a mild form of psychological addiction even in those who did not have addictive natures before their relationship. She just cannot express emotions. She is unapproachable really. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? These are people who only engage in some of the BPD-associated behaviors and only within their romantic relationships. Id like to recommend your site & excellent advice but she is so over emotional & insecure I fear it would be taken as negative feedback & would send her into even more tantrums & histrionics. In my experience as a good guy (not nice guy as I have NO problem calling out maddening behaviour lol) BPD woman are simply increasing NO- WIN propositions. The Nicola Method has been developed to give your spouse the exact language that you need to hear in order to overcome your feelings of distrust during high emotion episodes. I could talk for longer I really could. You can learn all of the techniques necessary to stop these behaviors by going through the blog posts on this site or by downloading the workbook. I found her adoring, caring, attractive, and communicative I hate to be brutally honest, but this is exactly what seems to happen, the flaws get projected on the other person. Check out this article for confirmation of this assertion: https://ct.counseling.org/2022/10/not-a-monster-destigmatizing-borderline-personality-disorder/ In this episode, I touch on alcohol use and alcohol use disorder, risk factors for alcohol use how recovery may be impacted. Just to add she always wanted to be do things alone. Having a pattern of unstable relationships often characterized by idealizing or devaluing a person (also known as black and white thinking or splitting). Has she already split me to the point of no return? I get treatment for anxiety, I have a little social phobia, not that I dont like other people, I just dont care for large crowds of strangers, this makes me somewhat of a homebody. Most, who have not been too damaged by their past, can form very intense, very close relationships almost instantly with anyone that they find appealing. Nice guys will take the abuse and overtime it will distort you. Listen in today for the first episode of the new year! I pleaded. She feared commitment. Herthought process begins to spiral and she ends up stalking this person. ; ). Thank you, In order to do this, you will need to use very specific techniques to get past her defenses. The reason these techniques are offered is because many women with these traits do not begin the devaluation phase until they are in a committed relationship or have a child with their partner. I suspect that describes you quite well. I want to understand it, change it, manage it and accept it, without having to hurt anyone anymore or to be hurt myself. And now knowing what a serious disorder BPD is and how difficult the recovery process is, I choose to live my life for myself first and will continue to always live my life that way, and fortunately in my situation it would never work having a relationship with my exGF exhibiting traits of BPD. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Women With Traits of BPD - Why Men Stay - The Nicola Method So according to you, I showed how much of a man I am and all I got in return was a repeat of the first time. I'm inspired every day by the brave vulnerability of our community. How do they discount the things they said during the idealization phase? If anyone reads this comment please understand every person is different and affected by bpd differently. My heart tells me she didnt want this to happen but my head tells me she wouldnt have done this if she didnt want to. I know that if I was to ever cheat, he would be gone. It means RECOGNIZING your illness and doing what you can to mitigate the damage to those who love you. Though shes never given a mental health diagnosis in the movie, some believe Clem is a good representation of borderline personality disorder as well as the antithesis of the popular manic pixie dream girl (MPDG) trope. Understanding what your spouse is feeling and what causes her to feel that way will give you new tools that you can use to stabilize your relationship. However, the intimacy which feels so comforting to a healthy person will be terrifying for her. I guess I really thought I was dealing with a strong woman, who despite her struggles made every effort to raise her boy, without a father in the picture. She had a bad rship before me too. Being with other people reassures their fear of abandonment until they sense that the other person is going to leave. I loved being on my fathers lap. One of the symptoms he displays most clearly is. I hate that i have made a child with her, cuz all she does it use my child against me to make me wanna stay. Helping Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder The profiles varied in their level of facial attractiveness, psychopathic and borderline personality traits, and wealth. This may give your family some relief so you can make important decisions in a calmer environment. The more in twined the lives are the more difficult and painful to get out. Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for therapy or clinical services. This is because individuals with BPD tend to suffer painful feelings of emptiness almost all the time. I would constantly ask to see her and she would normally have an excuse as to why she couldnt. So why do they bother? Rose Skeeters, a licensed therapist, nutrition and mindset coach, will share her story and strategies to overcome her own battle with BPD and Bulimia. Thank you for your article. that just explained my girl toa glove- she has been in PA for 3 months- each morning I get the call or text hey baby have a good day by noon it starts by 5 its on by 8 its full blow- typical dr jeckyl mr hyde- NEVER ENDS been going on 3 yrs till I made her leave a few months back- thought shed get a grip- finally realize NOT GONNA HAPPEN- best thing to do is give up my number that I have had forever and change email- feel like I got to go into witness protection- this sucks- thought I could help her but its bringing me down. You can lead a great life with a sensitive, intense, hyperbolic or any temperament for that matter with hard work, grit, endurance, tenacity, and the willingness to get uncomfortable. Im a broken person she said but immediately shut the talk off when I ask what do you mean. OK, since you cant take the credit for that, then you can take the credit for taking the time to put all this together for people like me.